returning from the abyss to rotate yukina in her little birdcage. it is too much fun (pain)

being given very few details about the period in her life that changed her and then implications being dropped in bs3 and now yukidad band lore after 6+ years … i feel like i’m on a very intriguing quest because at first she didn’t make sense to me and that’s why i started thinking about her and. what exactly do the writers think they are doing progressively (?) revealing the past as she goes from refusing to deal with it while it has a chokehold on her to trying to sever her connection to it by force only for it to Haunt her to being forced to confront it. what are they doing!!!

anyway bs2 is maybe devastating after this. it was clear she really didn’t want to lose roselia despite what she did and i definitely thought her attempt to backpedal on the rapport they’d built had something to do with her believing band members shouldn’t be friends after what happened to her dad’s band but oh man he really got betrayed by someone he thought of as more than a friend huh. the friendship to disagreements over music/values to abandonment pipeline seared into baby yukina’s brain. “don’t you think we’ve all gotten a little too close?” stop shut up

AND THE FACT THAT SHE WAS THE TRAITOR IN BS1. girl how did you feel watching sayo’s hope crumble before her eyes. girl do you need help working through all that guilt

been thinking about anger and bs2 is so fascinating because yukina Deliberately puts on her harsh act when she “realises” (is highly mistaken about) what roselia’s problem is. one moment she is chill and the next she decides “yes i will act like my former self” except even her former self was never that mean to ako. she is doing this on purpose and yet. is her anger not real even if incredibly misdirected

the way she singles ako out is even more telling given the whole “what would an adult do” dilemma in little light in the darkness. taking out all her pent up rage on the most overtly childish member of the band whose playing is most affected by the situation? because she has to silence the child within herself? the child she is so afraid to listen to because idealism was her father’s downfall? “crying about something so insignificant” hmm who is that aimed at yukina

ako is roselia’s guide in the darkness precisely because she is childish. roselia needs her emotional honesty god knows yukisayolisa don’t have enough of their own. yukina called ako a spoiled brat and drove her out of the studio and well that brat is now standing up to the man who betrayed her father and scoffed at his naïveté, blazing with the anger yukina likely never let herself express and STILL DOESN’T I AM SO DONE WITH HER. the kid she once misdirected her anger at becomes the very vehicle for it. or something. the kid she once berated for her childishness uses that very childishness to protect her. and ako and sayo who felt the most betrayed by her in bs1 being the ones to defend her is so. of course

i think yukina does not simply Get Angry. she doesn’t direct it at the right things. she will shove that shit down and beat it with logic and let it eat her away (for years even!) until she’s miserable and it starts leaking out in scattered directions from some buried wound that can’t remember what created it

can i also say i really love how sayo sings about the brilliance of anger in kakugo no liberation while ako’s solo is about logic (hopefully it IS 怒り it makes sense. full version when agh). reversal of their emotional/logical viewpoints as if they’re acknowledging that both are valid, as the event does. that they balance each other out because they don’t hold the same view, which also goes for roselia as a whole. even if ako’s half of the line says logic is insufficient i think. because she was right in this case but yukina’s decision is ultimately a combination of both which i would say is truly incredible for her but i also do not trust her to stop tormenting herself