Warning, this next post will be LONG AND PERSONAL, proceed with caution
I'm not gonna markdown anythinf because i don't have the energy
I Have one of my worst nightmares in my life like 1 hour ago and I can't sleep, This nightmare hit me directly in my heart, because that nightmare made me remember about all the bad things that happened to me this quarantine, and, funny enough, this bad things made me start playing bandori again, this is just my story about how i started playing bandori seriously.
I downloaded Garupa like 1 year ago now, but i only played for like 2/3 weeks, the I stopped the whole summer, when i went back to my 4 university year I played for like 2/3 weeks, the same story as before, and then stop playing, same happened on Christmas.
March came around and the end of March is were I started feeling like I was nothing, This feeling was not new in me, I felt like the side dish every single time of my life, but now we're talking about love, let's say that you fall in love with a cute underclass (like 2 years younger) and for like 5 months you try everything, just to realize that she is in love with one of your closest friends, and that friend is ALSO in love with her, but he's just that dumbass to not catch any hit that she did to him (idk if this is correct, but idk man, my english sucks, sorry) after what, 2 months of watching her hitting on him, she just confessed, and now they are together, and I'm happy about it, so what's wrong? Well... It turns out that my head was wrong, REALLY WRONG, I'm gonna do a little resume to the whole story but omitting some personal details of course.
First, how do I realize that she loves my friend? Pretty simple, she told me that 1 day after I confessed to her bcoz i asked her (yeah im dumb, don't blame me), this was in late january, 5 months ago prob, let's say that this girl's life was not the easiest, some mentally abusive ex boyfriend here, some alcoholic father there, you get the picture, and In just 5 months she told me these things that she didn't tell anybody else, and I started doing some therapy as best as I could and I think I did a pretty good job, I think now she's doing pretty good about her abusive ex.
When I did that, I didn't think about myself any single moment, I just want to see my friend feel better about herself, so, why I'm feeling like I'm doing the others job? Why I'm feeling like I'm just a side dish? A rock in the road? Well, i can't even fully respond to you right now, 5 months after that, but let's say that I think I did her boyfriend's job, like I just got the bad part of a relationship, hope you are following me because this is confusing even for me.
And the fact that I did more for them to be together that the boyfriend himself makes me want to puke, why you ask? Because of my kind and masoquist soul, or maybe im just fucking retarded, choose your favourite (fact the girl is now one of my best friends, just like the boy) , it's like fighting 1 vs 1 against yourself and BOTH OF YOU LOSE THAT FIGHT, it's the best metaphor I could imagine rn.
In that spiral of saddnes, anxiety, and mental stress, I though "I need something to disconnect about everything", I started playing Fire emblem heroes, honkai, any PC game, any of them worked, but one day I said wait, let's try to play bandori, and that, honestly, was my best decision this year hands down.
It may sound silly, or childish, but i really, really don't care,I started playing some roselia songs and i Got hooked up pretty fast, then I started listening to roselia, it was great, then, ras, popipa, just a couple weeks after, I started searching for some seiyuu content, I went into this world with my arms wide open amd my eyes closed, ready to embrace anything and I got probably the best I could ever imagine.
So, for me, bandori is not just a funny game with some funny shit and cute seiyuus, no, bandori for me is much more, it helped me A LOT when I needed it, that's why now I'm so devoted to this girls because they helped me in my darkest hours.
Idk if anyone would read the whole essay but if you did thank you so much for caring about a random stranger in the internet.
